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The-Lost-Garden.md
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Chapter 1
The Warehouse

The school day ended, and I was walking to the bus when I got a message from my crush, Carter, the school jock, who never even knew I existed. Carter: "Hey, I need to tell you something important. Meet me in the warehouse behind the school. NOW!"

Why would Carter send me something like that? But I told myself maybe he finally realized how cool I am and decided to ask me out. So without hesitating even a bit, I ran to that warehouse like I was late to my own wedding. I got there, only to find darkness. The warehouse was small, with no windows or anything.

I started calling out for Carter when I heard noises behind some shelves. I peeked, and there was Carter, hugging and laughing with his girlfriend, Zoe. She was the queen bee and the head cheerleader. She was mean, and everyone was scared of her. But then I wondered why Carter sent me that message? Was it an accident? Of course it was. God, I'm so stupid. I tried to tiptoe out, but the door wouldn't budge. I kept pulling like crazy until I ended up with the knob in my hand. Oh my god. Could this get any worse?

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EH

Ernest Hemingway

The Old Man & The Sea
"Cut the fat. 'The school jock who never even knew I existed'—we get it. You like him. He doesn't know you. Say it once and move on. The warehouse scene is good. Dark. Small. No windows. That's how you write."
Cut the wedding metaphor—too cute
"I ran" is enough. No need to explain why.
The doorknob detail is perfect. Keep it.
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The Warehouse Chapter 3 · 2,847 words
78 /100
🐢
Slow opening First 400 words are descriptive
✓
Good build-up Tension rises steadily
⚡
Strong climax Peak action at 75% mark
Reader Insights

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Reader Analytics — The Warehouse
The Warehouse Chapter 3 • 2,450 words

The school day ended, and I was walking to the bus when I got a message from my crush, Carter...

Why would Carter send me something like that? But I told myself maybe he finally realized how cool I am...

I got there, only to find darkness. The warehouse was small, with no windows or anything...

I started calling out for Carter when I heard noises behind some shelves...

3 readers paused here

I peeked, and there was Carter, hugging and laughing with his girlfriend, Zoe...

I tried to tiptoe out, but the door wouldn't budge. I kept pulling like crazy...

2 readers stopped here

I ended up with the knob in my hand. Oh my god. Could this get any worse?...

High engagement
Normal reading
Skimmed/dropped
JM
SL
KR
+4

7 readers

have read this chapter

Completion Rate

71%

5 of 7 readers finished

Avg. Read Time

8:34 / 10:00 expected

Readers are engaged! 15% faster than avg.

Hotspots

  • Para 4 Re-read 3x
  • Para 6 Drop-off point
  • Para 3 2 comments
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Version History — Chapter 3
Timeline
Now Current version
2 hours ago Added chapter ending
Yesterday Rewrote dialog scene
3 days ago Major plot revision
1 week ago First draft
3 days ago Major plot revision

Carter sent me a text. He wanted to meet up.

Carter texted me to meet him.

I ran to the warehouse without thinking twice.

Current Latest version

Carter texted me to meet him, and my heart nearly stopped when I saw his name on my screen.

Without hesitating even a bit, I ran to that warehouse like I was late to my own wedding.

I ran to the warehouse without thinking twice.

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Chapter 3 - The Warehouse
You
Sarah
typing...
Mike

The school day ended, and I was walking to the bus when I got a message from my crush, Carter.

Carter: "Hey, I need to tell you something important. Meet me in the warehouse behind the school. NOW!"

Why would Carter send me something like that? But I told myself maybe he finally realized how cool I am.

M
Mike 2 min ago
This is so relatable! Maybe add how her heart was racing?

I got there, only to find darkness. The warehouse was small, with no windows or anything.

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December 2024

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